New Year, New Me?

2018. I just can’t believe it. I’ve tried to reflect on the last year, and if I’m being honest, it makes me a little sad. 2017 was a big one. I graduated from college, got a real world job, watched my niece become her own sweet little, feisty person, and I visited some awesome places (most recently, San Diego, where I watched the Cougs “coug it” once again – but boy, it was fun!)

2017 was a year where a lot changed… We lost my uncle too soon, I quit my first job, I moved away from the place I loved for four years to a new one where I’m trying to settle. I’m currently at a crossroads…

 

2017 was a year to remember and to reflect upon, but not one to dwell on… And I’ve decided, 2018 will be a year to define: define who I am, define where I want to go and define who I will become. And…  I’m going to make it happen.

Yesterday, I went skiing with my family at Schweitzer Mountain. For story’s sake, I’m a recently revitalized skier. My parents put me on skis as a kid, but after a phase where promises of hot chocolate were the only way to get me down the slopes from my planted bottom, foggy (teary) goggles and repeating, “I’m not goin’ down”, I took a sabbatical from the sport.

In the last couple winters, I’ve gotten back on the ski wagon and it’s going fairly well! All that said, the last run of the day threw me for a loop. As we’re riding up the lift, my dad points to the left and says, “we’re going down that.” For many skiers, no biggie! For me, confidence is still a hit or miss feeling on the mountain. After maneuvering through a few trees, my sister points out several holes and rocks on the next descent. I panicked and wiped out over a hole with rocks showing through below (I’m not gonna lie… I may have had a little “fog” in my goggles). Yes, I’m being dramatic, but as snow is falling beneath me into the rocks, I feel as if I’m going to fall into the depths and be lost forever… Thanks to my brother-in-law, Ross, who got me up, I was able to awkwardly ski down the rest of the run, whilst yelling “I hate you” numerous times at my dad the whole way… yes, a bit dramatic, I know.

When I got down to the bottom and was sitting boots-off in the lodge with that warm, tired, ski-glow on… I realized it wasn’t that big of a deal. Yeah, I was scared, but through the help and encouragement from others and a made-up mind that I could do it, I did it.

So, January 2018 is going to be a big month – one of forward steps and defining decisions. I’m not going to lie; I’ve been stagnant for the last few months, and I’m embarrassed by that. From feeling hopeful and bold in October to feeling like a disappointment in December, all those feelings and experiences have lead to this new year.

Who knows, maybe a few symbolic “I hate you’s” at the scary stuff will help release frustration and inspire me along the way (love ya, dad). Screw the rocks and holes, the uncertainties and the shame… I’m going to ski; I’m going to move on!